Lost Love
by PeetaLuvrAlways
Summary: He gave me everything. His Life, his love, and Gale. And I was going to take it. Maybe I'm a monster. But I had planned to bring him back. To bring him home with me. But things do not always go according to plan.
1. Chapter 1

One.

He gave me everything. His life. His love. Gale. He wanted me to take it all. And I was going to. Maybe I'm a monster. At least I had planned on bringing him home. But as Haymitch had taught me, everything does not always go according to plan.

My plan had been to save Peeta, have my life with Gale, and lead the rebellion. But here I am, in a tiny room in District Thirteen, having not only failed to save Peeta, but with Gale ignoring me. Gale had been there for me, especially after I first lost Peeta. I suppose he had his own plan - saw Peeta's capture as his chance to have me; to forget that I had been "in love" with Peeta, married to him, and pregnant with his child, all in two years.

But Gale wasn't like Peeta – he couldn't do what Peeta could. Peeta's kindness and gentleness made Gale look like a savage. While Peeta was so willing to do anything for me, Gale was high-strung and annoyed me easily. I didn't get the same rush from being with Gale that I did with Peeta.

That was what I was waiting for. It was the love. I realize that I'm desperately in love with Peeta Mellark. Gale cannot compete with that love. Everyone in D-13 knows that I'm not pregnant or really married. But I do plan on being the latter - if Peeta will have me when we save him. And we will. Because if he dies, so will I. And with that, the rebellion is gone. Haymitch makes sure to remind me of that at least fifty times a week.

Mostly, he just comes to my room to sit with me and stare at the walls. These brilliant blue walls that have me on my knees remembering my Peeta, probably strapped to a table being tortured and experimented on. The thought makes me shudder. My own pain, I can handle. But his unhinges my mind. I should know. They show the horror every night, and, like the Hunger Games...it is mandatory to watch.

The witch will see her son being tortured for information on me...hatred.

My mother will see me crying, pounding my fists into the floor, begging for it to stop...pity.

And my own torture of watching his pain and waiting for Haymitch to save him.

My cheeks actually have permanent tear stains.

Haymitch has come to me many times to discuss his and Peeta's plans in the Quarter Quell and the Seventy-Fourth Hunger Games. Haymitch and Peeta have been talking about angles for Peeta's interview. They had gone through many of them, when Haymitch asked Peeta if he had a girlfriend. Peeta had said no, of course, and proceeded to tell him just how in love with me he was. By the way Haymitch described the conversation I don't know half of how much Peeta loves me.

Peeta asked if that could be used, and Haymitch gave him his angle: Desperately in love. "Be pathetic," he had said. And when I played along, it turned into the rebellion that it had been again... not the plan. In the Quell, we went back to the act; the star-crossed lovers of District Twelve. But before the Games, Peeta made Haymitch swear to bring me back alive. Made him swear to save me and our fictional child. I made him swear the opposite. And then Haymitch lied to me. He had been true to his words to Peeta, but not to mine. He told me that I was the face of the rebellion, and without me there would not be one. He also told me that as long as I live, so will he. That made my will to live multiply a thousand times.

Haymitch also told me of a plan - a plan to save Peeta. I expressed my desire to go along, but Haymitch wouldn't allow it. He said that if Peeta saw me, he wouldn't come. I had to ask why, and his answer stunned me. An expression of sadness crossed his features as he explained. "He thinks you're dead, and that you had chosen Gale. The President told him you were pregnant by Gale, and in love with each other. It crushed Peeta. Then he told Peeta that he tracked you down that very same day and killed you. I've never seen Peeta like that," he said. Seen? "How did you see him?" I asked. "After you went to bed one night, the tv came on again showing Peeta's questioning," Haymitch responded, "They were asking him where you were...if you were really his wife...if you were actually pregnant. If you told him you love him. Then the President told him the lies." I'm heartbroken.

MY Peeta thinks I'm dead – not only that, but that I died in love with someone else. No. That's impossible. I could never love anyone else. Haymitch got up and left. My heart can't take that Peeta still believes these lies. If he thinks I'm dead, then he might not be alive. He could have killed himself. But he won't. He knows I wouldn't want him to, even if it meant being with me.

It seems like it's been years since I've heard any news on my love. Since Haymitch has come to me. As if on cue, Haymitch walks into my room. "We've got him," he says, and smiles. "Come in here, lover boy!"he yells down the hall. Peeta. I see him by the doorway now. As he approaches, I stand slowly. All of a sudden he's close to me, and I fling myself into his arms. "Oh, Peeta!" I cry and cry. He holds me.

He walks me to the bed and we lay there with my head on his chest and his face in my hair. Over and over, the only thing I can think about, the only thing that escapes my lips is a whisper, "I'm in love with you, Peeta." With each word, he holds me more tightly. Then he tells me he loves me, and we kiss until he is out of breath. He gets out of breath so quick. It aggravates me, because then I have to wait once more to kiss him – when I already feel I've waited too long. But he tries.

He pulls me to him, so I am lying on top of him. I don't know why but I'm compelled to ask him this. "Peeta, are you still gonna marry me?" He looks up at me with those big blue eyes. "Yes. If you'll have me." I tear up. "I've waited months for you to come home to me. I've waited months to be your wife. Please don't make me wait much longer," I plead. "Katniss. I've waited eleven years for you to love me. I can't wait either." Then I feel ashamed for being so selfish. Him make me wait? Never.

I wonder if we will have a family. I never wanted children, but with a father like Peeta, they'd be well off. Two Hunger Games victors, married with children? Sounds off, but right. Yes I think we will have a family. Just not tonight. "Peeta, do you want to be a father someday?" I ask stupidly. "Yeah, I suppose. What is this about, sweetheart?" I force myself to admit it out loud when I don't know if I'm really ready, "Because I want to have a family. New Mellarks." He looks down at me. "Of course, baby," he says. I'm happy now.

I have Peeta back...and he still loves me...Marrying him is going to be the best decision I've ever made...and having a family with it.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay so a couple of people have asked me to keep this story going so I  
am(: lol.  
Disclaimer: The Hunger Games was written by Suzanne Collins...and the  
last time I checked that's not my name(:

Chapter two:

Cinna is here! Haymitch had rescued Cinna and Portia from the Capitol around the same time as they got Peeta. So, Cinna is designing my wedding dress and Portia, of course, is designing Peetas attire. I have been watching Cinna sketch out a strapless gown with a flowing train. He says that the "Girl on fire" look will still be portrayed through my wedding gown. He has told me that the entire train will be covered in a fiery pattern of red-orange gems. Even on my wedding day I won't be able to escape the memories of the games.

Since Peeta isn't allowed to see my dress until I'm walking towards him to become Mrs. Peeta Mellark, I have to hide our sketches from him. He obviously does not like having Cinna and I doing something that he cannot be a part of. He has been sitting in a chair in the corner of the room pouting. He pouts and I ignore him. I know it's only been a few days since Peeta and I made the decision to marry...but getting things ready right away is better. Neither of us wants to wait a long period of time to belong to each other.

"Peeta! Come here." I sweetly say to him. Of course, he turns his nose up to me and stays put. Stubborn little..."Peeta!" I rarely snap at him but lately I havent been patient with anyone. He rolls his eyes and makes a big deal of getting up. He walks over and picks me up off the bed, sitting down in my place and then pulling me onto his lap. He tries to sneak a look at the dress and I turn my shoulders to the side, letting him see. I get a scolding look from Cinna, as though I have just broken some sacred rule. But rule breaking is nothing out  
of the ordinary for someone like me. I put my head on his shoulder and look up at him through my  
eyelashes. How could anyone resist those eyes? I can't imagine any girl in the universe who wouldn't want to stare into them for hours. Not putting into perspective that at one time I would have done anything to escape those eyes and the guilt that came with them.

Seeing that Peeta and I were having a moment Cinna exuses himself from the room. I'm kind of glad. Any moment alone with Peeta, to take my mind off of everything I have been thinking about lately, is cherished. I push my chin up to kiss him but he stops me. I'm surprised. His eyes are curious and I know he has noticed there are things on my mind. But then his eyes soften and he brings his mouth to mine. Barely touching his lips to my own, he asks me "what's wrong, Katniss?"

I get up off of him and turn to leave, "Forget it." I say.

"No."

"Peeta.." my tone is warning. "I just need to find my mom and Prim...and Gale. To tell them about us. I should have told them sooner than this and I've been thinking about it all day."

"Katniss...are you sure that's it?" He brings his hands to my face, cupping my chin in between them.

"Uh, yeah." I say. I sound so unsure. Because I'm worried about what my family will say. Prim only wants my happiness. She will be so happy for us. But my mother. No matter how much she loves Peeta, and I know

she does...she has always expected...and wanted me with Gale. This frightens me. Gale. What will he say? I decide I don't care. I need Peeta to be my husband and he will be. Realizing I have been looking at my feet, I bring my gaze up to meet Peetas. I kiss his lips and try to stay but he pulls away. He doesn't believe that's all that is on my mind...but I could never lie to him. He turns and walks away.

As I walk to find my family and Gale I realize that I must show no weakness. No hesitation in my decision. I see them just as Gale throws Prim over his shoulder and she starts laughing. I clear my throat rather akwardly and all heads turn to me.

"Hey sweetie." my mother says.

"KATNISS!" Oh Prim. Gale puts her down and adresses me.

"Hi, Catnip." He says softly.

"Hey Gale."

My mother takes the akward silence as her cue to ask me what I'm doing here. I breathe deeply before answering.

"Mom...Prim...Gale." I start with each of their names. "I have something to tell all of you. It's about Peeta and I." my mother looks uneasy and I don't even want to know what she thinks my news is. Gales jaw is clenched and Prim is litterally on the edge of her seat. "Peeta and I...were getting married. Very soon." I say. My mother  
exhales loudly, and Gale looks like a train just rammed into his chest. As Prim and my mother babble exitedly I go over to sit with Gale.

"You know...I love you. And you still chose him." His voice is steady but I can tell he wants to cry.

"Gale. I've known you for years. You never took the chance that Peeta did. I gave you so many. I've always loved you." I answer him.

I hear prim gasp. I turn around expecting to look her in the eyes...

But my eyes don't make it to hers...they stop at Peetas.


	3. Chapter 3

Uh oh! What will happen! Read and see!  
Disclaimer: The Hunger Games, and unfortunately,,,Peeta, belong to Suzanne not me:(

Chapter 3:

_"But my eyes don't make it to hers...they stop at Peetas...".  
_  
No! "Peeta!" I plead with my eyes. He heard it wrong! He thinks Im in love with Gale. But I'm not. I could never be! I'm hoplessly and desperately in love with Peeta Mellark. But here he is looking at me with cold unfeeling eyes after thinking he has heard me proclaim my love for another. He turns away.

"Goodbye Katniss." No! No this can't be happening! He can't be leaving!

"Peeta!" I scream. I'm running after him as fast as I can. I grab his wrist and he looks at the floor.

"Do you like hurting me?" he asks. My heart breaks.

"No, Peeta the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you! Sweetheart, listen." I try to reason with him.

"No. I'm done listening." He jerks his arm out of my grasp. "You tell me you want me. That you want to marry me and be with me forever. Tell me that you want to start a family together...and you just throw me away like I mean nothing to you because you can have Gale now. That is not love." he says.

"Peeta." My voice is softer as I wrap my arm around his. "I just told him we are getting married. I want him to know that I love him like a brother. The best friend love we shared before the games even happened. But even though I love him...I'm in love with you. You're the one I'm going to marry."

He looks me in the eyes and breaks me into a million prices. "No,  
Katniss. You were."

He cant do this to me! I put my arms around his neck and kiss him. Putting everything I feel for him into it begging him to understand that even thought what he just saw looked like the largest form of betrayal...it was nothing. He pulls me closer. I think it's working, but then his eyes snap open and he pulls away.

"You can't keep doing this. Tell me right now! Who do you love? Who do you want to share your everything with and spend forever with him and only him?" he asks. He is angry with me.

"Peeta...it's you. I want to be with you. To marry you and to spend every moment of the rest of my life with you." I lightly kiss his lips. He sighs and picks me up bridal style.

"Me. Not Gale?" he asks.

"You." I say, the firmness in my voice daring him to call me a liar. He takes me to my room and puts me in bed. I wouldn't dare ask him to stay with me tonight, even though I won't sleep at all without him. But before I can even turn over he has slipped in next to me and put his protective arms around me.

"I love you Peeta." I say.

"You say it as if you didn't just say the exact same thing to him..." he is crying. I feel his tears on my neck, where his face is buried.

"Because I love you both...but differently. Maybe Gale and I could have been together. But we won't be. After the games everything about our relationship changed. I'm slowly realizing how easy it would have been to love him. But I don't. Because something changed me. Not the games...you. If I had never met you...then maybe...but now there's no chance. I could never hope to feel this for him. This is something I only want with you." I know he won't believe me. I don't deserve it. But I don't expect what he says next...because I know what I'm going to have to do...

"Katniss..."

"Peeta please. I need you to believe me."

"Prove it."


	4. Chapter 4

Authors' Note:

OH MY GOODNESS, I almost totally forgot about this story…my life has been so hectic lately. Some deaths in the family and such. If anyone is still interested in this story and would like me to keep writing, please PM me or review this chapter to let me know (:


	5. Chapter 5

**Finally an update! Thanks so much to the people who reviewed and told me to keep going with the story! (: **

**(Disclaimer: my name isn't Suzanne Collins…so The Hunger Games does not belong to me *sigh*)**

_"Please Peeta, I need you to believe me!"_

"_Prove it."_

As the first rays of morning light hit my face, I yawn and turn over in my bed to escape from what I know will be a day of endless wedding planning and pouting from Peeta. But as I hit something very hard and very naked, the events of last night come back to me. "Prove it," he had said…and I had. In a way he probably hadn't expected. A way that leaves both of us very exposed at the moment.

He feels me stirring and opens his eyes, looking down at me. It is at that moment when he also realizes the position we are in. As his eyes roam my uncovered body I realize that I am exactly that…uncovered. I yank the blankets up to my chin and try to hide myself from his view.

"Katniss…."

"Don't." I stop him from the heartfelt speech he would have given me.

"I'm so sorry…I…I should never have doubted you and now…"

He can barely speak. I nod to him and tell him to close his eyes so I can get up. I rush into our bathroom and turn the shower onto the hottest and heaviest setting there is. He walks into the bathroom about 10 minutes later to find me wrapped in a towel, hiding from the humiliation that comes with facing the man who I had been engaged to. Who had accused me of not loving him and who had told me to prove that I did.

I can tell the guilt has been eating him alive.

"Katniss, please look at me."

I do.

"I'm so sorry, I should never have accused you of not loving me. I mean, just look at the reaction you had when I was rescued from the Capitol. It was stupid of me to believe that you and Gale were anything behind my back. I'm so sorry, please forgive me…and please say you'll still marry me?"

"Of course I forgive you and of course I am still going to marry you. But you have to trust me, Peeta."

He nods, grabs my hand, and we walk from our room to the dining room where we find my mother, Prim, Gale and Haymitch. They are all sitting at a long table that is usually filled with more people than just these, but I am glad there is no one else here right now. It would be much harder for me to face these people if they were surrounded by people from District 13 that can't seem to keep their noses out of my business anyways.

My mother clears her throat and says, "Well, I see the starcrossed lovers have decided to make their enterance. As a couple I hope?"

Peeta holds up our entwined hands and says in a way only he can, "Of course, Mrs. Everdeen. This was just one huge misunderstanding. Katniss and I are fine."

She nods her head and looks to Haymitch for his approval.

"Well, I guess you got off easy this time, Sweetheart." He says, and I wince at his words.

Peeta quickly excuses himself to the kitchen, saying he'd like to make himself useful for a change. So when he goes, I go to see Cinna. He has been working so hard on the wedding and helping him is one of the few sources of joy I've been having lately. So as we work on the preparations for the biggest day of my life, I slowly start to forget the proof I'd given Peeta last night. But I know every action has its consequence and I don't doubt that the proof of my love will have one of the biggest consequences of anything I've ever done.

**If anyone is wondering what her proof was….umm…..wow clueless much ;) **

**Pretty please review? (: the more reviews I get the faster I update 3**


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